It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
