Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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