So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
