i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
