my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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