Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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