Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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