You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
