honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
