Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
