you guys were way drunker than both of me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
