she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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