you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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