I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
