chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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