kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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