Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
