he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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