Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
