Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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