I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
