please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
