It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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