Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
