apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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