She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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