Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this hospital has no fireball
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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