me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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