Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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