dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
