Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
