happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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