he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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