Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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