let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
