I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
