dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
