im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
