College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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