i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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