Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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