I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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