The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
