Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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