oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
