haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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