If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
