Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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