sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
