Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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