Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the day after is always just damage control
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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