Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
