Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
