Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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