Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
